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A Shitty Spell...

When I go through a rough time mentally, I like to call it a "shitty spell". I'm not sure how this saying came about for me, but it makes me feel much better than saying I have Borderline Personality Disorder and it's destroying my brain. I've been going through a shitty spell recently. Everything seems to have happened at once and it's sent my mind into a downward spiral. I feel pretty weak and pathetic mentally right now. Some of the questions I ask myself when i'm going through a shitty spell are things like: Why do I feel this way? Other people don't feel this way or have the thought's that I do, why am I so different? I shouldn't feel this way... Should I? Why do I feel this way when any "normal" person would be able to cope? It's so hard when you're at any stage of a shitty spell. You feel weak. You literally feel like you want to give up because you feel like it's never going to get better no matter what you try to do to pick yourself back up again. No matter how many plans you come up with in your head to try to get out of this shitty spell and get back to normal, nothing really lifts you up. I'm starting to come out of my shitty spell now. I still feel low and I feel like the slightest thing could push me way back, but I'm trying my best to focus on getting back to the normal me and showing myself the love that I deserve. One of the main things to remember is that you're not alone and your feelings are valid. Just because people are wearing a smile, doesn't mean they're happy. I mean, I put on a smile and crack jokes everyday, but I'm feeling miserable. It's the hardest thing to remind yourself, but its so important to remember that your feelings are valid. You are allowed to feel this way. Whether you understand your emotions or not, what you're feeling is normal and real. Our feelings are valid.



 
 
 

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